Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Plan B is the new Plan A
your room smells of hookers.
And success
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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