we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I need water and some morals
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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