So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Randomize