Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
