So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
