i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
