i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
