so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
