She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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