My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
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