I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Randomize