I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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