The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
