it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
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You. Win. At. Life.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
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