he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
