I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
i believe in u and ur pee
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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