Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
So here I am, sexting at work.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
