I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
