Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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