So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize