dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
