Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
