Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
