evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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