The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Randomize
