you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
