I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
