So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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