The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
