I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
