do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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