i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
