I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
