i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Randomize
