he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
