he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Randomize
