God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
