Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
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drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
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We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
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