I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
A bitchslap is in order.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
