i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
