No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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