just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
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