at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
