i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
