No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
