i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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