doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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