mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
