i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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