Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
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She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
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I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Drake has all the answers
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
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