I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
