I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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