yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
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