I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
