Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
