I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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