She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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