I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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