it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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