this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
