Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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