My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
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But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
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I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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