Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Randomize
