the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
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He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
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Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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