I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Randomize
