I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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