i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
