She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
