areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
