I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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