I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
