He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
