I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
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I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
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