Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
