I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
