Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
