if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Just high enough for therapy.
So much rum. So many feels.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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