we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
