Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
