your thong is hanging out like whoa
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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