not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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