the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Randomize
